Caring for a loved one through the Holidays By Dalia Díaz

Caring for a loved one through the Holidays

By Dalia Díaz

The best time of the year is here! Our traditions and customs come alive with friends and family gatherings. Oh, happy times!

There is also stress related to the season, particularly if a family member is showing signs or was diagnosed as having dementia. These relatives may put a damper on the celebrations if others are not aware of their condition and behavior, but there are some things that you can do.

Bridges by EPOCH, a memory care assisted living facility in Andover, offers seminars and talks on these topics free to the public. A recent one, in the holidays, was packed with useful information for families.

Along with the excitement of looking forward to family traditions and special memories, there’s stress and sadness thinking about how different things are from years ago, and learning to manage is of the utmost importance.

It may be overwhelming for a caregiver to think about managing all of the ups and downs. Holidays can be meaningful, enriching times for both caregivers and those with memory loss, but certain traditions or celebrations may need to be modified.

Holidays are for connecting with family and friends, reminiscing about the old and looking forward to the new, practicing traditions and religious beliefs, and giving and receiving love and thanks.

There are also challenges during the Holidays, such as travel concerns, schedules, unexpected changes, increased noise, and unfamiliar people and places.

A person with dementia may feel discomfort or irritation due to the change in routine, the number of people, noise, general over-stimulation, anxiety, or embarrassment about others noticing their memory loss.

A caregiver may feel overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities while trying to maintain holiday traditions. They may also be hesitant to invite others to share the holiday, fearing the guests will be uncomfortable with the person’s memory changes.

 

Tips for Getting Through the Holidays

There are some things you can do to ensure things go as planned, but first, you must adjust expectations for yourself and your loved ones. Don’t pressure yourself to maintain every tradition or attend every event. Be honest with yourself and plan to do only what you can reasonably manage; avoid taking on too many tasks. Ask for and accept help when needed.

Try to maintain a normal daily routine for your loved one, even if it requires paring down or modifying your traditions. Openly communicate your concerns about holiday celebrations or tasks with friends and family; let them understand that your relative may not behave as in the past and expect them to change the subject or walk away during a conversation.

 

The First Step to Easing Stress

Be candid about the situation but avoid discussing it with your loved one present. Prepare family and friends ahead of time, reminding them that your loved one may not remember them but can still enjoy their company. Give examples of possible unusual behaviors and provide tips on how to interact with your loved one and what to avoid. Share ideas on meaningful ways to engage.

You should plan a quiet area for the person to retreat to if things get too hectic. If you go to an unfamiliar home or location, take along a favorite “comfort” item, such as a blanket or a pillow.

You should stick with the familiar when possible. Keep events at home rather than in unfamiliar restaurants or locations and consider having your family host the meal at their house instead if it’s a familiar place for your loved one. Consider limiting the number of guests at a gathering.

If the symptoms increase in the evening, perhaps lunch or brunch will be a better choice. To reduce your to-do list, ask family or friends to bring dishes for a potluck-style meal or have food delivered by a local restaurant or caterer. 

 

Tips for Holiday Decorations

To keep the space calm and safe, try to limit holiday decorations. Avoid rearranging furniture or creating obstacles of any sort. Avoid blinking lights or large displays that may cause confusion. Substitute electric candles for burning candles. Use decorations that help recall memories and family traditions.

 

Involve Your LovedOne

Find ways to safely involve your loved one in holiday activities and traditions, such as food preparation, wrapping gifts, decorations, etc., and focus on activities that are meaningful to the person.

Christmas caroling, reading scripture, or baking cherished family recipes may be more meaningful than attending a social event that may become overwhelming.

Among the meaningful holiday activities are driving through light displays, listening to and singing along with holiday music, reminiscing with old holiday photos, setting the table for holiday dinners, making and/or sending holiday cards, looking at holiday cards you receive together, hanging ornaments or placing decorations, creating simple holiday crafts such as gingerbread houses or wreaths, reading a favorite holiday story, or watching a classic Christmas movie.

When it comes to gift-giving, think of what this person enjoys at this stage. Puzzles or activities for those with dementia; magazines or books with large print and pictures; easy-wear and care clothes; photo albums (or blankets, mugs, etc.); sensory items or therapy dolls/companion pets; favorite music (and music players); classic movies or tapes of old comedy shows; simple or familiar games; lotions and toiletries for aromatherapy.

 

Managing Holiday Travel

Stick with familiar modes of transportation whenever possible; avoid busy places or travel times; advise travel personnel about special needs; travel when your loved one is at their best; maintain daily routines as closely as possible; register with MedicAlert/Safe Return; travel with ID items and medical information.

Holidays are a time to gather with friends and loved ones to reminisce about the past and look forward to a bright future. Concentrate on enjoying your time together and focus on the positive things in life. 

The most important thing at the holidays is not the gifts or perfect decorations— it’s the feeling that you are loved at any given moment.

 

Bridges byEPOCH is located at 254 Lowell St., Andover, MA. For information about the future schedule of presentations, you may contact Susan Tourtillotte, senior advisor, at stourtillotte@Bridgesbyepoch.com.