Airline beauties
You can take your $10 disposable camera or $50,000 of expensive video equipment, wait and wait for the rest your life and never get pictures like these Airline announcements.
United flight attendant announced, “People we are not picking out furniture here, find a seat and sit in it.”
On landing the stewardess said, “Be sure you take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there are only four ways out of this plane.”
An airline pilot wrote this on this particular flight. The airline had policy that had the first officer to stand at the door as the passengers exited, smile and thank them for flying “our airline. He had a hard time looking them in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart remark. Finally a little old lady was the last to leave and she said, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why of course not,” answers the officer. “What is it?”
The old lady asks, “Did we land or were we shot down?”
The pilot comes on the intercom and says, “Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. Welcome to flight 293 nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead looks good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.”
“Oh, my God!” is screamed over the speaker and after a long silence, “I’m sorry if I scared you explained the captain. While I was speaking to you an attendant accidentally spilled a scalding cup of coffee into my lap.” He went on, “You should see the front of my pants.”
A passenger in coach yelled, “You should see the back of mine.”
Little Larry was on a field trip to the local police station when they saw pictures pinned to a bulletin board on the wall that featured the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the class asked, “Are those real criminals wanted by the police?”
An officer answers, “Yes the detectives really want these guys badly.”
Another boy asks, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
A boy was attending a horse auction with his father and of course had some questions. He watched quietly as his dad moved from horse to horse running his hands up and down the horses’ legs and rump and chest. The boy watched closely as his dad repeated this procedure on each horse. The boy finally asks, “Dad why do you keep doing that?”
Dad replies, “When I’m buying horses I want to make sure they are strong and healthy and in good shape before I buy”.
The boy says looking worried, “I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
A little boy watched as his mother applied cold cream to her face. “Why do you do that Mommy?” The boy asks.
Mom answers, “To make myself beautiful,” and begins to remove the cream from her face with a tissue.
The boy says, “What’s the matter? Giving up?”
The teacher noticed one boy not paying attention and asked him to stand and questioned him. “Son, what are two and four and 28 and 44?”
The boy quickly answers, “NBC, FOX, ESPN, and the cartoon network.”
